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Archives- December 2019- Moving Into New Spaces

The end of this year is wrapping up so much on so many levels. It's bringing up feelings of uncertainty, followed quickly by moments of clarity. Both fear and excitement. Worry and then complete trust.
 
I think this is kinda the no man's land between who we were and who we will be.
 
What needs to stay, and what needs to go. What will fit into our new environment and what's run its course.
 
Writing for me has been a life raft.
 
During an astrology reading from The Whoroscope Witch (please go check her out she's wonderful) she asked me how I dealt with fear and writer's block.
 
I hadn't really thought about it but when she asked me I realized I didn't really have time to be fearful. Writing came as the only thing I could do after jumping from a burning ship. Expressing my unheard emotions and invalidated truth was my last attempt at survival.
 
Where I often feel terrified and inadequate putting paint on a canvas or clay on a wheel......
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Archives- October 2019- Good Enough To Be Great

This new moon hit me hard y'all. In the way that only the new moon can- from the friggin' inside out.
 
And of course my period's due to come on Halloween... Ideal. So the letting go and purging of mess has been potent as all get out.
 
 
 
 
 
 
I share so much of myself as my job that I'm especially careful to pause and protect aspects of my life I don't exactly need to share. Literally backspacing entire pages sometimes like, "Ok hold up girl keep some for yourself..." (At least for now...you know as well as I do it'll just end up in the next book or podcast.) I'm naturally a bit of an over sharer. I over explain myself. And in the process I tend to explain a lot away. Mostly my aspirations, good attributes or compliments.
 
I've had conversations about this with my sister years ago. I miss her. I miss those conversations. But I have faith we'll have those talks again. She was referring to something that made me realize it...
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Archives- September 2019- The Heart Is Not Helpless

I woke up a lil off a couple weeks ago. I sat downstairs trying to journal and read and just felt...not ready to be awake. I call myself lazy too often when I get up some mornings and feel like I should sleep in a lil, because every time, the extra sleep turns out to be much needed.
It turns out to be the window of calm I needed to let the new ideas come in and the old stuff work its way out.
 
I crawled back in bed as the kitty curled up on my chest and I started drifting back to sleep immediately as my mind went to the next book idea that had come to me in the last month as well the next book after that. Characters introduced themselves and I sank into the peaceful excitement of how easily these huge projects were coming together while I was snuggled and still in that in between state.
 
Although I meditate, it can still be a struggle sometimes to allow the inspirations to come through without saying, "Really though? It can't be that easy." So often my best ideas...
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Archives- August 2019- Pure

I had a session recently and a client shared their word with me, the word that encompasses the truth of their spirit and highest being. I promised her I'd listen for mine as we got off the phone. (This is a fantastic way to recalibrate and recenter if you haven't tried it! I very much appreciated this exercise!) I've heard one phrase over and over for the last couple years when I've asked who I am and the reply is always, "The one who laughs with God." I both loved it and thought, "Uhh you egotistical as hell. The one who laughs with God? Really?"
But... as my understanding has changed and I've inch by inch been shaming myself a lil less every time I choose to trust myself... it's making more sense.
 
I did as this woman suggested and took the phrase I felt and then began to chisel it down further and further until the one word that rang true came out, and what I heard was, Pure.
 
I immediately felt it glowing in my chest but my brain said, "Pure? Like dressed in...
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Archives- July 2019- Still.

So ya know how I'll talk about pauses in our healing? We'll reach a point where we're like, "Oh man...this is nice! I'm at peace, I feel clear I feel safe..." and our lil subconscious walks up, "Hey um, since you have a minute, could you check my homework?" "Sure! Why not," we say. And soon commences a whole other layer of healing.
 
Sometime toward the end of June that happened for me. There was a book I'd been thinking about reading for over two years, but I just kinda knew I wasn't ready. Then having a regular tea date with a friend and discussing things I was beginning to uncover, she brought up this book title and I thought, "Oh shit...there it is again... It's time," I thought.
 
Y'all. When I say I devoured this book with my jaw in my lap and tears running down my cheeks I mean...the whole damn book. (Leaving the Saints by Martha Beck. Go get it. Right now. Download it on Kindle and devour it in one day like I did.) This woman literally validated visions I've...
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Archives- June 2019- Period

This one's gonna be a lil more directed at my fellow menstruatin people's if the title didn't clarify, but let it be known to my men out there, I'm talkin to you too. This could give ya a lil inside scoop on what's ACTUALLY going on with a lot of us as opposed to what you've been told (aaand we've been told)...so read on if you wish to peak into the wild wizarding world of the womb!
 
We spent the last weekend in the Pisgah National Forest at a beautiful sanctuary. We'd thought at first on planning the trip, that we may leave to go to town or have dinner out at least one or two days, but from the moment our phones lost signal and we crossed the bridge we said, "Uhh nope. Not leavin'." Although I know how important it is to disconnect and reacclimate with our natural state by being in nature herself... I forget how simply profound it can be. I stood on the mossy rocks with the water rushing over my feet the first morning and felt my entire body smile and breathe. THIS is...
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Archives- May 2019- Fighting For Love

This post ain't gonna sit well with some people. Belieeeeeve me I already know that, but that being said, I'm writin' it anyways.
With what's going on for a lot of women right now, I feel like I'm just.. on the verge of writing a novel in a week. I will be discussing wounds of sexual trauma and going into detail about some instances, so please by all means, if this is not your speed for today, read no further. No hard feelins! I'll see ya next month!
 
And here we go-
 
When my group of friends and I would be standing on the playground as a child, I'd regularly count out five of us, then three including myself. I'd heard over and over during our counseling sessions before the trial that three out of five children are sexually abused. I'd count it out in my head thinking, "It's not just me. Someone else is hurting."
 
Those statistics of course are only the instances that have been reported and docummented. Checking them now in 2019 it seems the numbers have...
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Archives- April 2019- Do Ya Really Need Me To Say It?

Lez be honest. This is probably the fifth blog post I've written on this topic. (Do you have to say FIFth out loud when you type it? Me too. Still feels wrong...) I forget how long ago (not so long ago to most legitimate bloggers, but its long to me...) I started writing blog posts.
 
I know I did one saying your mechanic at Meineke has the same connection to God as your Astrologer so don't get it twisted... things like that. It's obviously been quite a constant hot button in my life. (I got a lotta buttons...yall know this.)
 
But lets talk about this y'all. This is a big thing when it comes to trusting our knowing, and how gaslighting and manipulation is used more than some people are comfortable realizing.
 
I'll go first-
 
So here's my unhealthy thing I'm untangling right now-
 
I rarely if ever discuss indepth or show images of my collection of tarot cards, my altar, private practices, crystals etc... And I'm gonna be straight up, it's...
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Archives- March 2019- Right. That's What I Said.

I get a lil nervous sometimes when I think about what it is I wanna share, opinions I'm ready to put a voice behind. I know they may get me a lot of unfollows or complaints or have some people goin', "And just who the hell is this bish?"
 
I've spent the last thirty years hearing, "You're so LOUD." "You don't know what you're talkin about." "Nobody else feels that way." "You're the only one that thinks that.""You're doing it all wrong."
 
I've often answered many things meant to stump me not only correctly, but with ease and thorough understanding. I've then been met with an angry scoff and a, "Well, yes...sort of, but..."as they repeat to me exactly what I just said and I blink at them like, "Yeah...right. That's what I said."
 
In reality, they just needed to rephrase the answer and make sure I know that they're correct and I'm here to listen and recognize their superiority, passive agressively telling me to have a seat. I usually remember once again that...
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Archives- February 2019- Wise Enough To Know

Do you freeze up around certain people or in certain situations? You just feel, immobile. Like your gears just locked up. Unable to be yourself.
 
Ya know what it reminds me of. Sometimes I'd beg my sister to let me sleep on the curduroy couch in her bedroom so I didn't have to be alone in mine. She'd turn on a cd to go to sleep to, and lean over to set her alarm clock radio. Every night I'd cover my ears as the songs blared overtop one another and slide under my blanket yelling, "It's clashing it's clashing!!!!"
 
 
 
 
 
 
I cannot handle different songs playing at the same time! I literally cover my ears and pull my shoulders around my neck. Do you get that too? That feeling of nails down a chalk board when two vibrations are shouting over one another.
 
(I also think this is why many of us Empaths learn to stop yelling what it is we wanna say. We'd rather have peace than shout overtop anyone. We'll say what we need to say...
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