Yesterday was our 3 year wedding anniversary, and just to celebrate properly, of course I cried when my husband got home... I can hold it together all day, but the second I hear his voice, it's like takin your bra off when you get home... game over. This is a normal thing in our relationship, in fact so normal that if I'm crying and upset he'll often look at me 'n say, "Is it you, or are you pickin up on somebody else?" If it's someone else, the tears will stop automatically after he asks, like my spirit was acknowledged as my own and says, "Whew! Thank you!! Got lost there for a minute!" My husband is truly my rock and my safe place to land. When I get lost in the spin cycle of emotions, he holds me and centers me so I can regain my footing.
It's hard to explain what being extremely sensitive feels like sometimes, because it doesn't feel any different when it's all you've ever known naw mean? It's more like, "Ok yall didn't get that? You didn't hear that?" (Blank stares.) "That shit is so potent it's givin me gas pains...how am I the only one pickin up on this?!"
Gas is not always a side effect of sensitivity, often yes haha, but I've become extremely nauseous, had headaches, felt severe anxiety, felt extreme hot flashes, the overwhelming urge to start sobbing, difficulty breathing, chills, my head will begin tingling, vivid images or short scenes and smells begin flooding my mind... I have a hard time focusing my eyes especially if someone is being dishonest, or something more important isn't being acknowledged. It's like my higher self says, "Nope. Words are crap. Let's check in with what's being said energetically, that's the good stuff!" This is something each of us that are extremely sensitive have to figure out for ourselves; how our individual gifts signal us and strengthen us. Just while writing this I realized why my eyes begin going fuzzy and won't stay focused when something isn't right or doesn't add up. My eyes will begin to wander upward and to the left, as if to check in with divine guidance and ask for assistance automatically. (When I receive messages, images, or insight, this is always where it seems to come from, up 'n to the left...not exact coordinates obviously but this is just how it works for me haha)
When I was young, I'm not even sure at what age it started, but I was still in a crib, my sister and I were sexually abused by my mother's step father Ed. The only clear memory I have before going through court trials around age 5-6, is of the orange glow of the nightlight down the hallway. I can feel the emotional memories of it, but my brain for obvious reasons has blocked out the rest. My mother told me one night while all of us ate dinner around the table, I was at the end in my high chair directly across from Ed. They all began laughing at my silliness as I kept my eyes shut the entire meal, only to open them when I looked down to eat food, and then shutting them tightly when I raised my head back up to meet his vision. That was my only defense at that age, and my only way of showing him "I know who you are, and I won't allow it." I think that is what's happening now when my spirit becomes overwhelmed and senses dishonesty, is becoming drained, or needs divine assistance; it literally begins closing the window to my soul, and goes where it can receive higher wisdom, insight, and comfort.
I have found many of us that are extremely sensitive, have experienced early childhood trauma and abuse, and so this heightened state of awareness has become our normal day to day survival mode. Just like someone born blind can be so well attuned with sound to navigate as though they had regular vision, I feel like I'm constantly reading the energy, emotions, and vibrations of every person and situation to know, "Am I safe? What's really going on here? What are my angelic helpers telling me?"
The amazing thing about being super sensitive, is the line of communication with spiritual assistance that has always been second nature. I've never once in my life felt alone. I mean EVER. In fact I LOVE being by myself, because I feel like I can have one on one time with my celestial family and my higher self. I feel that I always have one foot in the spirit world, and one in the physical. Some days I feel so entangled with my divine family that I'm in constant conversation and feel them encompassing me in the most empowering and loving way, it's incredible.
I was speaking with a friend last week about being in a deep depressed state or a dark night of the soul as I've heard it called. She quickly said, "I can't even imagine you being like that!" This is the amazing thing that comes from being so in-tuned. We will feel extreme sadness, hopelessness, and pain at times, but my gosh, we are also able to feel such JOY, such VIBRANCY, and such LOVE that it's impossible to even put into words. I know that just like me, many who are extremely sensitive, although we may appear to be weak to some because we feel so much, we are incredibly resilient. I see it like the boxer who's struck down over and over but continues to climb to his feet asking for another hit. He knows he's unstoppable and before you know it, the entire crowd is cheering for him alone! This is the seed I believe is planted in each and every one of us. Nothing can stop us from fulfilling our purpose and delivering our gifts to this earth but ourselves. When we come in contact with people who puff their chest out, yell their superiority from the rooftops, and manipulate others for their own gain... all we have to do is be truly us, and not tap out. When we are truly in our own greatness...there's no competition.
If you're reading this and you too are extremely sensitive, I want you to KNOW, I hear you sugga. Some days you may feel absolutely nutty because everyone around you doesn't see what you're seeing, or says you're being judgmental or just too sensitive. Don't tap out sweet pea. You were made for this. When you have those days, don't exhaust yourself arguing your truth. Just stand in it firmly and know your divine crowd is standing in the bleachers cheering you on!
"Those that must stand in the spotlight will cast only a shadow. You know the truth. You are the light."
"Be YOU. Be honest. Be gentle. Be courageous. Be all you are."
"The ocean need not speak of its immense power, the lands it reaches, or the treasures it holds. Be as the ocean my dear ones."
"Using your best judgement and putting judgment on others are two different things. Your heart is in one, while fear runs the other. Honor your heart felt instincts without guilt or question. To ignore it for fear of hurting someone, is like driving at night without headlights on for fear of blinding another driver."
-Dr. Rebecca Garifo