Ya know what the real bitch about healing work is? Sometimes once you reach a point of feeling at peace and complete safety, your subconcious jumps to it's feet 'n says-
"Oh hey! So, since ya got a minute to talk, I'd like to show ya somethin I been muddlin' over for the last 20 years if that's cool. I think it's really gonna be a great addition to the improvements we've made so far! "
"Oh yeah sure! Bring it on in, I'll look over it!"
Suddenly it can feel as if we're wading into the ocean slowly, that moment when everyone goes, "Ok I'm gonna do it...I'm gonna go all the way under... oh ma gahd ohmagahdohmagahd." Simultaneously cupping our prized bits promising them, "It's gonna be ok!! I am so sorry about this!" BUT once the initial shock is over with, doesn't it feel incredible to just dive into the waves. To quit fighting the chill 'n just dive right into it.
Allowing the truth to unravel freely, without manipulation or inhibition. Learning to trust our own minds and intuitions again. It's a bit unsettling and liberating all at the same time. It's uncharted territory which can feel dangerous, but also welcoming as it's surely not what we've left behind. Myself, realizing why I've had anxiety for years and signs of PTSD, has now, day by day never made more sense to me.
For as long as I can remember until at least age 12 or 13, the sun setting in the evenings felt more like water slowly rising in a locked room. An absolute crippling anxiety would slide over me and I'd sit up clenching my jaw through the entire night, petrified that I'd vomit at any moment. The irony was, I'd get myself so worked up that by the time the sun would start coming up, there were a few mornings I actually ended up throwing up simply out of the fear itself.
I've realized more and more that it wasn't so much the getting sick part I was afraid of, it was the isolation. The fear that no one would come, and I was completely alone.
We're never completely alone. Not even when we pee. (sorry but it's true. everybody pees so ya know...not a big deal.)
Take a good long deep breath. Let your stomach fill alllllll the way up til you can feel your lower ribs expand. Hold it for a second. Where does it burn a lil bit? Did it wanna stop somewhere along the way? Did you feel your body get a lump, or tense up somewhere? Where was there a sudden jolt like stepping into cold water?
That's just where you've got a kink in your hose. That's where the pressure's been building. That's where the anixety, shallow breathing, teeth gritting, and slow boil is coming from.
ADHD, Anxiety, Depression, Addiction, whatever the hell they wanna name it, these are just names for different ways our systems cope with a kink in the hose. Things aren't being allowed to move through us, and turning the water off is surely no answer to the problem right? We either deal...or the garden stops getting watered and that's where disease starts to flourish, the flowers dry up, and the weeds take over.
Here's to having the courage to undo the kinks as opposed to giving up on our gardens!
"Your obstacles are truly modes of transportation for the next destination in your emotional growth. Take time to look at things from a divine perspective with our help. Please don't walk in front of buses that are only here to give you a ride. If this trip were meant to be your last, we would surely send a hearse rather than a Greyhound."
with love and joy-
Dr. Rebecca Garifo