I looked at my husband last week as I avoided a voicemail that I knew would be painful, “It’d be so much easier to walk away from him if he just STAYED in asshole mode,” I sighed.
It’s not as easy to trust yourself and walk away from someone who sounds like a wounded animal. Pleading their back story that no one understands them, they’ve always gotten the short end of the stick, why can’t everyone just stop blaming them. Meanwhile these comments are coming from someone who’s shown you less compassion than the customer service rep at Apple.
It’s absolutely dizzying in every sense of the word.
Trying to forever fill someone’s cup who has no intention of patching the gaping holes… it feels like an eternity of chores before you’re allowed to go outside and play.
When I tell people healing happens in circles… I’m not sayin it just to make em feel better about revisiting things... I’m bein for real yall. I know the circle real well.
If you’ve been following my blog (public journal more so…) you know I’ve been ending relationships left and right for the last couple years. Hoping each one was the last I’d have to cut… but I kinda knew it wasn’t.
That’s the problem with us sensitive ass fools that unwittingly surround ourselves by bottomless pits…( bless it...) we keep hoping hoping hoping that one day it’ll be enough. The responsibility laid entirely on our shoulders. Don’t give up. One more conversation will make them see how hard we’ve been trying for years, coming from every possible angle.
Exhausted from crying and pleading they finally hear us because we don’t have anything left to give until even our physical health is failing.
An unfortunate aspect of being extremely intuitive is we usually see the wounded child, through even the most horrific acts someone commits. In even their most heartless moments we can somehow once again put ourselves aside and think, “How can I get this crying child to hear me? To know they’re loved unconditionally. There’s gotta be a way.”
The toughest part is realizing we’re killing ourselves trying to rescue this child who is not ours to care for, neither do they want to be rescued anymore so much as compensated for their time.
This wounded child has turned into an adult who believes the world is eternally indebted to them, and that’s a dangerous person. Their evil is performed from a place of righteousness, and there’s no reasoning with someone who truly believes themselves to be right in their motives whole heartedly.
Listening to my mother coldly explain why she wanted to hurt her neighbor,
“Rebecca… she’s everything I’m not.”
No emotion whatsoever. As if I’d asked her where she’d put my blouse.
Oh well…duh yeah! Obviously… thanks for clearin that up.
This statement comes back to me repeatedly. Reminding me how the mind of an eternal victim truly works. There’s no remorse. They deserve compensation, period.
It is up to us to break the cycle. To save our health. To hand back the responsibility. To let go and breath again.
I promise you it’s not easy, but it’s working.
Imagine entering a burning building after hearing cries for help, not only to find the person has no intention of getting out, but is now begging you not to leave them. This is no longer a rescue, but a suicide. It’s ok to know the difference and save your life.
with love and joy-
Dr. Rebecca Garifo