I mean damn.

December 6, 2018

Is you ok?

How you doin boo?

It's December 6th... how the eff did we get here, right? Haha


I got to tell ya... I think for me personally, this year has flown by because I've spent most of it with my head down hard at work, determined to get every ounce of insight out of these months as I possibly could.


I've spent my entire life taking notes. Self analyzing and disecting every moment, but for the first time these past 18 months or so, I've stood up, walked to the other side of the room to get a different view of the board, and started all over again.


It's been life changing.  Life... demolishing is more like it.  But in the most insanely wonderful ways.


I sat in this tiny ass third floor apartment in May, my legs were still on FIRE from moving all our shit up those stairs, and I journaled, "...this isn't where we wanted to be.  We never wanted to be in an apartment complex again... but we are still so happy. We must be doin' somethin' right."


We didn't know it was puttings us in line with what we really wanted.


Everytime I've moved, had to pack up my little nests I'd become so cozy in, my spirit team always says, "Have we ever let you down?  You know we'll find somewhere even better after this one!"  


When I attended massage school, I could walk to downtown Asheville from the apartment I roomed in with some of the funniest girls ever.


When I lived in Carnelian Bay, I could look out at Lake Tahoe through my bathroom window while I shampooed my hair. I had a friend living next door who'd visit for coffee every mornin'.


When I moved to Wilmington, I found an apartment downtown where I could walk and meet people, including my husband. It had 9 foot ceilings with huge long windows. There was so much snow that first winter we dated, we'd stay in bed all day and just watch it falling outside.


When he and I got our own little studio apartment for the first time, I met Dusti, who soon became one of my best friends and life long confidants.


And when we moved to Mooresville, we found the perfect bungalow, so when I was at my worst going to doctors visits and Lab Corp once a week, he and I could easily walk downtown, go see a live band, and I could remember to keep having fun.


It's hard letting go sometimes.  It's hard to work so hard at something, a purpose, a place to live, a relationship, a job, a new town,only to leave and start all over again.


But every door I've shut behind me, staring at the bare living room and empty kitchen shelves, again I've heard my team say, "Have we ever let you down?"


And they haven't.  Not once.


I think one of my hardest lessons has been to believe in my deserving of good things, of abundance without debt.


Many of us Empaths, especially those of us healing from serious co-dependcy, have spent a lot of time bein' hangry.  Making sure everyone else is fed and hoping there's leftovers for us by the time everyone's had their fill.


Mistaking service for enslavement and self-sabotage.


I sobbed earlier this week, in awe of how much has happened this year, and how grateful I am for everything.  Things I'd dreamt of for so long. We had our new home built and are set to move in next week, both of us still a bit in disebelief, and I ordered the proof of my first book to be delivered the day after we close.


I knew I wanted to help people, in any and every way I could since I was just a kid, and when it came time to start this book in March, I started becoming afraid of what it would require of me.  To put all that on paper. To tell my whole story.


I thought about the other 25 books I wanna write, thinking maybe it'd be smarter to start with those.  But all I kept hearing was, "You need to write your story first.  This is for you."




After cutting 20,000 words off the manuscript, it still came out over 400 pages, and I realized I had a lot more to say than I thought.


I wanted to finish it for me, for the best Christmas present I could give myself. And I did it yall.  I'm ecstatic.


I journaled this morning thanking my angels over and over again, for what an incredible year it's been.  The hardest of my entire life, but even more so, incredibly rewarding and healing.  They quickly replied, "You did the hard work!  Now look at how capable and unshakable you feel!  And that's why we're proud of you..."


Pat yourself on the back baby.


We've ALL come a long way this year, there is no denying that.  Look at everything you've handled, even when you wanted to give up.  And here you are.  You fuckin' hung in there, and you should be so proud.



Divine Message-

"Now you see more than ever, that nothing is out of your reach. You embody the  heavens, so why is it so far off to believe you can reach them?"


With all my love and joy-





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