Do you freeze up around certain people or in certain situations? You just feel, immobile. Like your gears just locked up. Unable to be yourself.
Ya know what it reminds me of. Sometimes I'd beg my sister to let me sleep on the curduroy couch in her bedroom so I didn't have to be alone in mine. She'd turn on a cd to go to sleep to, and lean over to set her alarm clock radio. Every night I'd cover my ears as the songs blared overtop one another and slide under my blanket yelling, "It's clashing it's clashing!!!!"
I cannot handle different songs playing at the same time! I literally cover my ears and pull my shoulders around my neck. Do you get that too? That feeling of nails down a chalk board when two vibrations are shouting over one another.
(I also think this is why many of us Empaths learn to stop yelling what it is we wanna say. We'd rather have peace than shout overtop anyone. We'll say what we need to say when someone truly wants to hear it. Otherwise we become exhausted... sound familiar? Me too boo.)
I think this is what happens when we have those situations where we freeze up, can't think of anything to say, and sometimes even struggle to make normal facial expressions in the middle of a conversation.
Those moments were we might suddenly go, "Oh wow, I guess I have crippling social anxiety?" haha But maybe we dont...
Maybe there's a serious clash in frequencies and our gears are legitimately jamming.
When someone is being a little toooooo positive, enlightened, righteous, you name it... Portraying themselves as the end all be all, a trusted friend or teacher. Layin' it on thick about this and that...and we just stand there with a frozen expression. Our faces lookin' like we shouldn't have trusted that fart.
I've felt this paralyzing awkwardness around my own family most my life. Even feeling my throat tighten and my voice change around my own father and priesthood members of the mormon church, raising a few octaves to sound more like a child. Subconciously shielding myself from appearing as a grown woman in their presence.
I do the same thing around many metaphysical shop owners, psychics, mediums... I don't wanna even open the DOOR for them to get competitive and showy with me so I just shut down and act completely ignorant.
These cues are not to be ignored yall! We're onto somethin'. We're pickin up what someone's puttin' down.
As Empaths we often start feeling uncomfortable and like a fraud because the very person we're mirroring...is doing just that. We are naturally comforters, feeling immediate compassion and understanding for the human spirit, no matter what state it's in. We may rush to match their frequency trying to bring them comfort, and inturn feel extremely uncomfortable ourselves.
We arent weak because of our sensitivities. We are unfuckable with. BUT, first we have to practice trusting ourselves rather than bashing what feels like our own social anxieties, awkwardness, and annoying ticks.
I can honestly say, I have NEVER clammed up around someone, and not later found out there was very good reason for feeling "off."
Now its taken years and years of trial and error to really begin trusting myself enough to know where I end and someone else begins. To see where these feelings I'm feeling so strong don't actually belong to me.
Our biggest priority, is to know our own insecurities, wounds, traumas, and struggles SO WELL that we can know what does and does not belong to us the moment that energy shifts.
Why we suddenly don't feel right. Why we just lost all the faith in ourselves in a matter of seconds. Why we feel under attack, wanting to hide behind something and dodge this conversation.
How bout you?
How many times have you picked yourself apart for once again not being relaxed in a social setting? Not being able to make small talk as easilly as everyone around you?
Baby what if that's cause you're unfuckable with? You're sensing what others don't wanna see/hear/feel/know?
No, it's not the greatest if we wanna be voted as Miss Congeniality at all times, but here's the thing- In the long run, we don't wanna be connected to false personas, manipulative people, and fake situations do we? Not unless we wanna be burnt out 24/7 and pay our therapist for overtime.
So the next time you feel frustrated about having to take your anxiety meds.
Have to give yourself a pep talk in front of the bathroom mirror before attending a party.
Feel unsafe and don't trust the people you're supposed to trust the most.
Escape to "make a phone call" so you can breathe for a minute.
Or smile and nod while secretly checking the time on your phone...
You're not broken.
You're not unlikable.
You're not weird.
You're a truth that is clashing with vibrations of fear and false personas.
And we gonna be alright. You aren't alone in this, and neither am I.
At your healthiest, at your highest joy, you are a clear mirror. People will witness their highest joys, or their most hated imperfections in your presence. They may snarl and throw fists, but it is never your job nor in your power to adjust the reflection. Do not hold onto smears and smudges to protect others from their truth.
All my love and joy-